The September 11th attacks did not break us; they pulled our country together. Twenty-five years later, that’s a key lesson we still struggle to take to heart.

Enduring memories still haunt Americans who were alive on a bright September morning a quarter century ago when commercial airliners piloted by suicide terrorists slammed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center, the side of the Pentagon, and a field in rural Pennsylvania.

In New York City, a gleaming new replacement skyscraper that rose at the base of the two original towers now soars even higher, looming over an enduring 9/11 Memorial to the dead. Workers in the new building are ever mindful they labor above a graveyard for 2,753 people killed there on Sept. 11, 2001. The monument at the base includes the names of the 2,983 people killed that day in all—in New York, Virginia and Pennsylvania—and in another attack on the World Trade Center complex in 1993.

Commemorations take place Friday to read their names and mark 25 years since Islamic extremists from the terrorist group Al Qaeda carried out the catastrophic attack on iconic structures that embodied the strength of the U.S. superpower.

But instead of breaking America, they brought Americans together in unity of purpose, duty and resolve like nothing has done in decades.

This nation needs that public spirit more than ever today, not just to honor the victims and the first responders—thousands of whom have died since from diseases spawned by their work at Ground Zero—but to rekindle the sense of service, courage and endurance on display that day.

That unity and strength—to help each other, defend the country and rebuild its buildings, spirit values—should be a reminder and beacon of hope for Americans today who are as bitterly divided socially, politically and economically as they have been at any time in recent memory.

The trauma of that day will never pass. We remember the heroes—firefighters, police officers and other public servants—who ran into those buildings and up the stairs to save their fellow citizens as people stumbled down staircases and poured out of the towers. We remember the victims and the agonizing choices some made to leap from high windows as the flames closed in, and the awful sight of falling bodies as they plunged to the ground. We remember the photos of lost family members posted all over the city to find missing loved ones who were already gone.

So many Americans and foreign residents here lost spouses, children, parents, relatives, friends and acquaintances that sunny Tuesday when the crisp morning air filled with fire, debris, dust and destruction.

National rivalries evaporated for a time at the shock of the tragic losses in the U.S. Tributes of support, empathy and solidarity arrived from around the world. Canadians sheltered Americans marooned at their airports when all flights were grounded. “Nous sommes tous Américains” read the headline published by a leading French newspaper, Le Monde, on September 13, 2001: “We are all Americans.”

In Chicago, I arrived on my morning Metra train at Ogilvie Transportation Center where the platforms were already filling up with workers streaming from the Sears Tower and high-rise office buildings, heading back home from a downtown we all feared was a target in a new war.

My wife and I listened in horror to the news reports, and what stayed with us to this day were the messages of the victims trapped on the top floors of the World Trade Center, many short goodbyes left on their home answering machines. They were the kinds of messages we all leave every day, “Honey, I love you, kiss the kids.” But so many were their last known words.

Many Americans still mourn the loss of people we knew on the planes, in the buildings or killed on the ground.

Today, the contrast with the current national divides stoked by hatred and fear is stark and disgraceful. Our country’s news reports are filled with politicians and commentators calling more for division than unity. Way too many of their messages go beyond partisan politics and are filled with outrage at their fellow Americans, demonization of their opponents, lies about their policies and calls for rage, revenge and retribution.

Remembering the slaughter of innocent American civilians, the disastrous attacks and the destruction in lower Manhattan, the Pentagon and Pennsylvania should remind us all of a time when patriotism and duty to country meant pulling together—not driving each other apart.

In this country, freedom means leaving ourselves always vulnerable to some extent, and that is a choice by the freest society on Earth, one that can come at a cost. The Chicago Tribune, where I worked at the time, wrote on its editorial page that day and the next about “The vulnerabilities we cherish”.

“Terrorists have assaulted the symbols of America’s economic and military might. They have taken countless lives,” The Chicago Tribune said in its editorial in the paper’s Sept. 12, 2001, edition. “But like the others who challenged this country, they will not shake America’s spirit.”

“These will not be easy days. Images of buildings billowing smoke will give way to stories of thousands of personal tragedies. There will be sorrow and rage. We will hear tales of profound heroism. We will understand public spirit in a way that may have slipped our nation’s consciousness in recent year.”

Then, as now, people needed to be reminded of our deepest ties that bind and the solidarity that has pushed this country forward through its 250 years, despite all the setbacks and wakeup calls—sometimes through war, frequently through politics, most often amid tragedy and sacrifice.

In December 2001, I took our family to Ground Zero as the pile of rubble eight stories high still smoldered to pay our respects to the dead. These victims took the hit for all of us, in a real way, and I wanted my daughters to understand that defining moment and for us to honor the fallen. Some 100 million Americans are too young to remember that day that changed America.

I remember the girls looking at the posters of lost people pasted on the walls of Grand Central Station and making the connection they could at age 14 and 13, wondering aloud about posters they had seen for lost pets. Yes, these were missing people.

Today, the terrorism and hatred that come with American involvement in the Middle East still burn. The war with Iran is just the latest in a long, tortured list of military entanglements that persist but have yet to bring a lasting, negotiated peace there. War is rarely the answer alone. Most U.S. policy makers have learned they must be wiser in the use of military force and combine it more effectively with diplomacy, economic pressure and initiatives with the full help and support of our allies.

There is no justification for terrorism ever. There is no excuse for the slaughter of innocents. American forces went to war in Afghanistan and Iraq. They spent years, but they finally found and justly executed Osama bin Laden and dumped his body in the ocean. But the Mideastern sea of resentment, revenge and retribution that fueled Bin Laden and his ilk still roils and nurtures our enemies.

The 25th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks is a time to remember the lessons learned that day and in the years that followed. Since then, successive U.S. administrations have sought to break down barriers in communication among security and intelligence agencies, share more vital information and upgrade border, airport and airline security. Most of us still take out our laptops and take off our shoes at the airport to go through the metal detectors.

The Department of Homeland Security was created to increase the sharing of agency knowhow and intelligence, to connect the dots better and guard more carefully against terrorism threats. Federal agencies now seek to be more adaptable and flexible in dealing with these enemies. Experts concluded there was also a failure of imagination that hindered Americans from even conceiving of such an attack. Presidents need to listen more carefully to their intelligence staffs. More Congressional oversight was also needed.

But most importantly, this Friday is to remember our fallen fellow citizens as well as the heroes who saved so many others that day when terror struck mercilessly and violently from the clear blue skies.

We should honor them by taking stock of our losses, reading their names, keeping their memories alive and remembering how their tragedy pulled us together as one nation. The sacrifices by Americans then and since should remind us again of our duty to public service, national unity and human decency—and of the high price we must sometimes pay for our cherished freedoms.

Storer Rowley